introducing felix

 
felix mccarthy, 7 lbs 1/2 oz, 19.5 inches, was born on monday, december 21 at 6:34pm. whereas violet's birth story went up less than a week after she was born, at the time of this posting, felix is already approaching six months, which means i can say definitively that he is a joy.

last spring, when we found out we were having a boy, we were pretty surprised and frankly a little apprehensive. ever since violet came along, i think we thought of ourselves as girl people. we already had the clothes, the toys, the friendships of the parents of the girls who had become violet's friends. happily the shock quickly became excitement. it turns out that having a boy is pretty neat -- something that around 50% of the people reading this already know!

'twas the night before felix...

taken almost exactly 24 hours before he was born.

i woke up around 5:00am to some, let's say, symptoms, which led me to believe that i'd be going into labor soon, and within an hour, the contractions started. i emailed my office that i wasn't coming in, as i'd planned to work for the last few days before christmas, my due date. i was paranoid because my doctor was convinced that my labor would go fast, so as soon as the contractions hit the 5-1-1 rule, kevin and i shuttled violet over to lisa and john's house before heading to the hospital. it was only 9:00am, and i knew my mom would arrive from san diego by the afternoon, so we told violet not to unpack because she wouldn't be spending the night. soon after, lisa texted this:

luckily lisa and john are like family to us. thanks guys.

the commute to the hospital wasn't bad, despite a few uncomfortable speed bumps just like last time, but as soon as the nurse hooked me up to a monitor, my contractions practically stopped. i'd been walking around all morning, which had been moving things along, and i knew the labor was progressing because it was becoming more painful. nevertheless i was afraid they were going to send us home, but since i was 3-4cm dilated, they agreed to let us walk the halls for a couple of hours. kevin shuffled along with me. we saw a lot of this:

here's me in the holding room:

the staff delivered tea and cookies, which i appreciated very much but sadly did not eat. gestational diabetes sucks. (happily i have eaten many cookies since.)

the walking accelerated the contractions, and by mid-afternoon, i was at 4-5cm and officially admitted and wheeled over to labor and delivery. it was a huge relief to put aside my fear of giving birth in our bathtub. i haven't done any reading about home birth, but i have often wondered where all the mess goes. now i never need to know!

our labor room this time was much bigger than last, so i basically walked in circles for over an hour. kevin and i chatted with our nurse about her recent trip to cabo and her son's gifted program at school, and we spent the rest of the time strategizing about when to ask for the epidural. a coworker of mine had told me a funny story about his wife, at the time a high-powered studio executive, and how she made him chase down an anesthesiologist at 11:55am because she knew he would disappear for lunch. given that i had to wait for two hours during my labor with violet because the anesthesiologist was in surgery, i didn't want to wait too long, but i didn't want to be a wimp either. kevin was the best at comforting me as the contractions got worse, and by 6cm, i was like, yeah, i'd be happy to stop doing this, so we called it -- and caught the anesthesiologist about five minutes before he was heading into a surgery! divine intervention?

ever since we'd arrived, my doctor had been "asking" if i wanted pitocin to speed things along -- her polite way of saying she wanted to give me pitocin -- and i had been replying (via the nurses) that i didn't think i would need it. our main nurse was clearly irritated with the doctor's pressure and said something along the lines of "they knew the hours when they got into this profession so don't let her push you because she'd like to be home for dinner." as much as i love my doctor, i really didn't want the pitocin. on one of the biggest and best days of your life, it's surreal to watch humdrum workplace politics at play.

i did say okay to having my waters broken. the nurse didn't seem on board with this intervention either, but she had already referred to my waters as a "bulging bag" which was freaking me out a little, and when my doctor promised i'd "go really fast," i was game and she was right. an hour later and i was ready to push.

i didn't have to push for more than a few minutes. it was so quick that the baby nurse hadn't even entered the room yet. as felix emerged, the doctor said, "i have to help you out a little." i didn't know what she meant, but kevin watched as she cut the cord that was around felix's neck. they put him on my chest, and i asked if he was supposed to be purple and if he should be crying. as the labor nurse called for the baby nurse, she did two quick suctions from felix's mouth... and then he started crying before the baby nurse raced in. his color returned almost immediately and my doctor promised that he was fine. it was all so fast that we didn't have more than a few seconds to panic, and then kevin and i were just flooded with the relief and joy of having a son.

we stayed two nights in the hospital, as evidenced by daddy-son matching bedhead.

i was still paranoid to see if my gestational diabetes would disappear so i ate a cheese omelette for every breakfast and whitefish with steamed broccoli for every lunch and dinner. luckily my sugars are back to normal and i have since made up for the lost carbs.

when felix would try to nurse, he'd hold his mouth open and wail while frantically shaking his little head back and forth. when he would finally latch, he'd nurse like a champ, but i was pretty panicky about it those early few days. the nurses assured me that he didn't know what he was doing yet but would soon enough. everything improved exponentially once my milk came in.

my mom brought violet to visit, which was very sweet.

i'll have lots more to write on the subject, but in sum, she is the best, most loving and adoring big sister. watching them interact has been the joy of our days these past several months.

all in all, we were thrilled that the little guy decided to come out four days early, so that we were home in time for christmas. an appropriately fortunate start for a felix.

five!

here's violet in august, one month before her birthday, on her first day of transitional kindergarten! it's already funny thinking back to how tormented we were by the decision between keeping her in preschool one more year vs. starting her in TK at our local elementary school. i was so worried, losing sleep, not sure what to do, and while probably either decision, once committed to, would have been "the right decision," this was, you know, the right decision. isn't it nice how that works out?

for those who don't know, many los angeles public schools offer TK for kids with birthdays between september 1 (the current start date for kindergarten) and december 4 (the former). violet is in a classroom that's a TK/K split. her teacher seems wonderful, and most importantly, she is loving it. one total surprise to me is that she particularly loves the after care program at the local rec center. she has made several bigger girl friends who fawn all over her and love to play "family" with her as the baby. one day kevin saw them carrying her in a "chariot" and calling her "queen." many days kevin arrives to find that "she's still herself," playing make believe or doing art in the art room alone, but whenever she tells us about playing with her friends, it's a positive report. in the beginning, the counselors said that she was very tentative about the group games, but she has been growing bolder. one day they were playing a trivia game where each kid who answered a correct question won a cookie. (example: who was the bird in the lion king? answer: zazu.) violet piped up that she wanted to ask the question, and the counselor let her. "who's seen alvin & the chipmunks?" violet asked. apparently half the kids raised their hands, and she exclaimed, "you all get a cookie!" our little oprah.

i wish i could say that we decided to start her in TK solely based on our belief in her readiness, but in truth the two biggest factors were 1) the money saved not paying for full-time child care, and 2) the proximity to our house. the idea of driving her the 45-minute commute to preschool everyday during maternity leave was ludicrous. down and back, down and back = 3 hours/day with a newborn in the car = obviously not happening. even if kevin did half, it would have been a nightmare. now we can just walk down the street with the baby in a sling. the biggest thing we gave up in leaving the day care (besides knowing she would have been safe and happy in that cozy nest for one more year) was sibling priority for the baby. let's just hope he gets in anyway come spring. we're on a few other group care wait lists, but they're all long shots, not to mention impractical. i may have said this after violet was born, but when i was pregnant, i would never have guessed that far and away my #1 stress after having the baby would be child care. we've gotten lucky so far, but it's about to get a lot more complicated. at least this time i can plan for that worry, right?

i took a recent belly picture in the mirror, but violet photobombed it while stark naked, so here's a shot she took that showcases my obscene outie and inappropriate midriff.

her short person view of the world always entertains me. it must be so strange down there, and it's easy to see why so many things are intimidating.

backing up a bit, we made a couple of good trips to san diego for summer fun with my family. here is one of my sister's favorite pictures, taken on a pool day at her place.

the upside-down goggles are the best. we had violet in swim lessons at the ymca basically all summer, but she still can't swim. swim lessons when you can only take your kid on weekends are a giant money pit. i'm hoping to get her in daily lessons for a couple of weeks while i'm on maternity leave. on the upside she loves the water and loves swim lessons, and she does seem to understand that the ultimate goal is she learns to swim without froggy.

speaking of frogs, violet got to take auntie's fairytale ballet class on its final day, when the girls were treated to a tea party afterwards. auntie asked them to name one thing you should always bring to a tea party. most girls of course said "cookies." violet, however, said "frogs" (because in a max & ruby episode, that's what max wants to bring to grandma's tea party, despite ruby's protests). "i should have known my niece would be the weird kid," auntie said. real nice, auntie. you'll never be a goonie.

also here are my favorite nana and poppy pictures from the san diego fun times:

at the birch aquarium violet most enjoyed the moray eel, the jellyfish, and the leopard shark, but that all paled in comparison to the shark photo booth.

on violet's actual birthday morning, a friday school day, she selected her tiger dress since she was born in the year of the tiger. i was recently telling her that her brother is going to be born in the year of the sheep, so she'll need to protect him. i think she's taken it to heart.

she was very excited to turn five, and to dole out her goody bags of pirates booty, halloween pencils, and glow rings that had a lot of 5-star amazon ratings from ravers. kevin went to class for the birthday celebration in which violet's teacher asks each classmate to offer a wish for the birthday kid. wishes ranged from "love" and "candy" to "a monster truck."

for her actual party, we rented a canopy tent at the annenberg beach house and invited a small handful of her friends and their families. violet had asked for a boogie board, which we got for her, and while no kids had any interest in using it as an actual body board, they did enjoy "surfing" on it in one-inch-deep water while squealing and clinging to auntie courtney. unfortunately i didn't take any pictures on my phone, but auntie has some on her camera that i'll get eventually. oh wait! lisa had sent me this one of cupcake time. thanks lisa!

violet's gift from nana and poppy was her new big girl bed

which she is very excited about, especially her penguin sheets. while she seems to understand that she is meant to sleep in it, she will tell me on occasion, "i never want to sleep without you and dad." we've been talking up how fun it will be to share a room with her brother (they can have bunk beds someday!), and while she is excited about this, we'll see if she actually SLEEPS in there. we'll see if HE actually sleeps in there. we'll see if he actually sleeps AT NIGHT. both the bed and the crib are currently serving as toy storage bins. i'm going to start by reading her bedtime stories in her bed (instead of our bed) and trying to at least get her to sleep the top of the night there.

violet also got her first big girl umbrella. right before the first (and so far only) rainy day of the school year, i realized, yikes, she has to walk to the rec center after school, and she doesn't have an umbrella. i dispatched kevin on an emergency target run, but as they didn't have any kid umbrellas, he returned with a smallish but nonetheless button-operated adult umbrella that is an actual weapon in the hands of a five year old. she loves it of course.

last week her school had its (big PTA fundraiser) "harvest moon festival."

each class built its own scarecrow, and here she is with "super charlie," who is looking very hobo chic in kevin's hand-me-down house shoes.

her favorite part was the haunted house that the fifth graders created. she was pretty scared the first time she went through it with me. inside were a few stationary sets involving skeletons. but by the end of the festival, she was brave enough to go through it with her sweet friend christopher. when kevin picked up violet at the rec center the other day, the older girls were like, "violet wants christopher to be her boyfriend." OMG. i'm not sure violet even knows what a boyfriend is yet. she tells me frequently that she never wants to get married or have kids and only wants to live with me and kevin forever. she recently asked if kevin and i were going to have grandkids, and i said, "well, maybe if your baby brother ends up having kids." she replied, "oh he doesn't want kids either, but i think your third baby will. or maybe your fourth one. i think you'll have twins."

despite not wanting kids, she has also started telling me that there is a baby growing from an egg in her tummy. in response to her birds-and-the-bees questions, i told her that every girl is born with lots of eggs in her tummy that are so small you can't see them. luckily her line of inquiry hasn't gone further yet. "my baby has legs now and he's kicking," she'll say. (edited to add: her baby's name is "flotsam.")

in other conversations that we've bumbled through lately, violet has a lot of questions about death since my grandpa's recent passing. i honestly thought she'd be interested but not terribly upset, and we spun the news with the positives, i.e. "he's so happy in heaven now with your great-grandmother." it took a beat, but then violet's face crumpled and she started sobbing. it was really hard to calm her down, and another reminder of what a sensitive kid she is. she will occasionally (and seemingly out of nowhere) get weepy and say she wants to go to heaven at the same time that kevin and i go. "can i fly there with you when you die?" she asked. i said i didn't think that's how it worked, and she said, "okay, but can you fly me with your angel wings to auntie's apartment? we can start a family with kids." i said, "sure, and maybe get some more cat friends for winn-dixie?" violet nodded solemnly and said, "we can get some dead mice for them too."

four months and 16 weeks

i can't believe it's been four months since my last post! have you missed this face?

as i'm sure anyone reading this knows, the main reason for the blog inactivity is that i'm pregnant, 16 weeks with the belly to prove it.

as i've probably already complained to you personally, i was sick, sicker than i was with violet. kevin thinks my exhaustion was pretty equal to last time, but for sure i felt worse. i remember being 9 weeks with violet and still managing to sample 50 cupcakes at a cupcake expo with my friend monica. 9 weeks this time? i couldn't make it through a workday without napping in my car at lunch. i ate mostly saltines, popcorn and bagels. last first trimester, i ate at a university dining hall buffet almost every morning. i would take down a huge plate of eggs and hash browns and another huge plate with a belgian waffle, berries and whipped cream while the sorority girls had their cottage cheese and cantaloupe. if i was still hungry, i'd have some of that too. at least i've managed to eat plenty of eggs for this little guy, though, and am happy to report that i'm close to eating normally again.

we were pretty shocked to get the news that this baby is a boy. i think we assumed that since we had a girl, we'd be having another. i have to admit that my initial reaction was sheer terror, but within a few hours, i started to get really excited. kevin is of course excited (and jumped right into researching how not to get peed on while changing diapers), and violet is more excited than i could have possibly predicted. she hugs and kisses my belly several times a day and is constantly talking about her little brother, who apparently is going to love the power rangers and be an astronaut for his first halloween. they are going to share a room together and sneak lots of midnight snacks. yesterday she declared, "his first word is going to be booty, only he's going to say ooty because he won't be able to say 'b' yet when he's in the hospital." her first word was "ball" so i guess she's taking ownership of that letter.

violet has been awesome these past months -- really loving and giggly most of the time. (the rest of the time she's stubborn and contrarian, which is sometimes amusing, like how she'll ask kevin which soccer team he's rooting for and then declare that she's rooting for the opposite. there's no doubt she's his child.) although she's now moved on from frozen, we visited the "frozen fun" section of california adventure several times over the course of the winter and spring.

when she's older she'll likely be disappointed to discover that a soundstage transformed into arendelle was her first experience with snow.

while i don't think of violet as being anything close to a girly girl, she does only want to wear dresses these days, and i have to let her pick them out in the store because every time i attempt to mail order adorable good deals from old navy, she rejects them as too uncomfortable. i let her try on three easter dress candidates at target, and she ultimately chose this one

"because it has a pocket." i didn't think anything of it at the time -- i enjoy pockets myself -- but apparently her little mind was already scheming. after the big egg hunt at nana's house, we kept finding her hiding in corners and scarfing down mini chocolate eggs that she'd stashed in the pocket!

tangentially related, we continue her city tour of hot cocoa hotspots, and just before easter, she scored one for our hall of fame:

i see that's also a chocolate croissant on her plate. baby boy also seems to be developing an affinity for the good stuff. i finished off my lunch with a piece, and now he's doing what i have to imagine are his happy taps.

shortly after easter we were super excited to have uncle mike and aunt erica visiting with cousins noah and emme. i really didn't get enough pictures of the cousins together (although of course i got an adorable bathtub shot that i'll save for later humiliation), but here are a couple:

i've said it before, but there's nothing better than watching the cousins play together. we're so sad that we won't make it back east this summer.

two years ago, violet's preschool teachers would tell me how they were pushing her to play more with friends when she really preferred playing with her imaginary friends. i don't want to count the hours i've spent fretting about this, but now, while i would hardly say she's become a social butterfly, she is very affectionate about her small circle of besties. the interactions are a definite prelude to teen angst, at least among the girls. someone has always wronged someone else, called them a crybaby, said "you're not my friend" or "i like so-and-so better than you," or not taken turns pretending to be princess ariel. (violet never wants to be the princess. she is always, always the pet. i love this because i was the same way as a kid.) my new favorite is how she lays on her stomach and kicks her legs, like every teen girl in every bedroom in every 80s movie.

she's going to have a hard time when her closest three school friends go on to kindergarten in a month (and she is left behind because of the september 1 cutoff), but luckily she still has a few non-school buddies, like jack (how cute are they?)

and a couple of girls from ballet. she just had her recital by the way. they did a merida routine (from brave), and here she is with her scottish-style fingers. i doubt i need to expound the cuteness.

she has also just started another group swim session at the ymca. she loves the water

but is pretty stubborn when it comes to actually trying to swim on her own. she is fascinated by her new instructor -- a pretty 18 year old with blue hair and a nose ring -- so i'm hoping she'll want to impress her.

in other summer news, violet had a nice 4th of july, although nothing can compare to last year's best 4th of july ever with the nationals game and the rooftop fireworks and kevin's entire family. i got off work early and took her to the natural history museum with its seasonal butterfly pavilion

and her favorite part was the evolution of the human skull. that's our girl.

we got some holiday decor from the michael's bargain bin and gussied up her wagon for the local parade, which ends at a nearby park with free cupcakes, so that was a win. we talked about venturing out to see fireworks that night, but then kevin pointed out that i haven't been able to stay awake past 9pm for the past two months, so instead we tried to find an east coast feed on TV. when that failed, we just watched peter rabbit, which is of course what violet wanted anyway. every episode involves peter and his posse being chased by farmer mcgregor or mr. tod the fox. violet squeals and hides behind the couch like it's a horror movie. much more exciting than fireworks.

happy golden days of yore

now that it's officially the first day of spring, i thought i'd do a winter review. in looking at these pictures, i realize we fit in a lot of holiday activities this year. auntie courtney boldly proclaimed it was the best christmas ever, and i really can't disagree. one reason? we "put up" (or, more accurately, "put out") our very first outdoor lights this year! violet and i found a great deal on some pre-lit reindeer on one of our regular trips to michael's arts and crafts. i texted this photo to kevin:

me: less than $200 all-in with coupon. pleeeeeeeease. these will bring immeasurable joy to the lives of your beloved wife and daughter, the shining beacons of your...
kevin: where will we store them?
me: they fold up and fit back in the boxes! brilliant!
kevin: they'll never fit back.
me: i'll fit them.
kevin: fine.

fa la la la la, la la la la! violet and i rushed home and assembled before kevin got home. ta da!

kevin put on an enthusiastic smile for his daughter while mumbling something to me about burning the house down.

soon after, kevin spent some daddy time at home depot and worked out the wiring. ta da!

i got an almost immediate text from our neighbor with two young children about how much they love the reindeer. violet played "reindeer petting zoo" every night for three weeks. kevin helped me, with nary a curse word, fit them back into the boxes. glitter continues to dust our house with magic.

inexplicably, violet spent a good month declaring that this was her "reindeer face":

more joyful for kevin than xmas decor was violet's first ice skating. she knows he played ice hockey growing up, so she feels confident that she's going to be a good skater too. she loves to tease me about my lack of ice skating ability, which i can't help but think has something to do with my earliest ice skating memory. when i was in first grade, my girl scout troop went to the local rink to celebrate juliette lowe's birthday, and while one of the moms was lacing up my skates, a woman stepped on my middle finger and her blade took half my nail off. i can clearly recall my blood trailing in the porcelain sink, and days later, the last little bit of my nail turning black. but i digress. i'm happy to report that violet had a much more pleasant first skating experience at the little seasonal rink in burbank. we rented "bobby the seal" to help her balance, but of course she preferred riding.

in other happy news, joan's on third opened its second location in our neighborhood. merry christmas to me!

clearly bakery hopping has become normalized for violet, something i think she assumes all people do. "today was a hot cocoa day," she'll tell her teachers nonchalantly. we still don't know if we're starting her in the transitional kindergarten class this fall or not, but either way, our friday morning bakery stops are numbered. i mean, not that i'll stop going, but it won't be the same without my little partner.

kevin recorded a holiday special on the food network called "kids baking championship," and violet got really into it. she started running up to friends at school to tell them about how cody had to go home last night after the pate a choux challenge. she isn't really deterred by the blank stares; she just tells the kids that her mommy will tell their mommies how they can record the show too. we still have the final episode in our queue because she says, "i don't want to watch it until zoe and elizabeth catch up." umm...

as you see above, max and ruby are still part of her life, but her imaginary play with them has dropped off in favor of her current obsessions with frozen and jake and the neverland pirates. kevin does a stellar captain hook impression, so they play that all the time. the other day she told me, "mom, i never want us to go to neverland because i want to grow up and do all the things you do, like wash dishes without a step stool, and cook with a chef's knife. i really want my own chef's knife."

nana came up to bake sugar cookies with her in early december, and since we ended up making it down to san diego a couple days earlier than planned, they baked another round there.

the best was when kevin surprised us with this shirt:

"i'm just here for the cookies" has become a family catch phrase.

we also had a girls day out with nana and auntie courtney for violet's first nutcracker.

the production was a shortened version intended for kids and with mostly kid dancers, including some very talented teens in the main solos. i was worried violet wouldn't be able to sit still for 45 minutes, and while she did get a little antsy in the middle

she reengaged once the story picked up. i was also nervous because she had insisted she would be scared of the mouse king, but she didn't end up being afraid, probably because he looked like chuck e. cheese from our vantage.

her very favorite character? clara's brother, fritz, of course. she still has a thing for older boys. she kept asking me when fritz would be back onstage, and i thought there would be at least one more scene with him, after clara wakes up, but he didn't end up returning until the final bow. i could see violet was a little disappointed but clapped eagerly for him anyway.

she also got to ride an awesome reindeer carousel at the adjacent mall.

we considered the santa line, until we found out the wait was already over two hours, so i did what i did last year and took her to the grove at 9am on a tuesday. it was rainy

which helped secure our position as second in line behind a pair of seriously dolled up toddler twins. i've started to realize that my child looks like a ragamuffin most of the time. she has zero interest in sitting still to get her hair done, which perfectly matches my level of interest in actually doing her hair, and we let her pick all her own clothes out of laziness rather than a conscious attempt to empower her with decision making, as i would like to lie.

violet asked for a baby giraffe, glitter tattoos, and a canopy tent. she was very shy with santa, but we still got a cute pic. auntie remarked that she looks so grown up here.

violet was eager to eat the gross packaged "marshmallows" that the elves were handing out (what happened to mini candy canes?), and she licked at a couple before declaring she was done, to my relief. she was much more into her first roasted marshmallow

at the san diego botanic garden. big recommend for holiday lights fun! the giant horse-drawn wagon was impressive, especially for its old-school precariousness. you sit really high, and i was just thinking to myself, man, we could literally die if this thing tips when violet piped up for the whole wagon to hear, "i want the horse to canter!" everyone laughed, and i had to explain that we aren't an equestrian family, just fans of dr. seuss's all about horses.

before we got to san diego for christmas week, we had of course put up our own tree. kevin can't understand why i insist on having a christmas tree for just three weeks (since we take it down before we leave town), and while i can't rationally justify it, i know some of you know. it's two things, really. getting to visit the christmas tree lot

and then the pine and the lights, and the gifts too, a symbol of happy anticipation.

violet is old enough now to really understand the pleasure of gift giving. braggity brag, i'm sorry, but i was happy with how happy she was to give out her gifts this year. even though "giving out" meant a lot of mailing.

auntie courtney asked me if violet could open "just one little early gift" from our friend wendy, which turned out to be this not so little olaf.

in conclusion, gift giving < gift receiving.

on christmas eve, violet was very well behaved at bernard'O for our fancy dinner.

an early reservation left us time to snuggle afterwards for a charlie brown christmas. nana and auntie sandwiched violet right away because they knew if they didn't that she'd beeline for her usual perch next to poppy.

christmas morning was the best. i said it last year too -- these years are priceless.



every year we make new rules about less gifts, yet somehow the living room still looked like this.

the big gift was from auntie courtney -- a big wheel just like the one she remembers from her own childhood, except this one is dora themed and has buttons with audio like "vamonos! izquierda!"

here's one with the glitter tattoos from santa

and here's one that i don't remember the story behind but that somehow speaks for itself.

violet was excited to receive the book with no pictures from her cousins. of its famous author, she declared, "i'm the one who told bj novak to write the book with no pictures." "you are?" i replied. "how do you know bj novak?" violet shrugged: "i just texted him, write a funny book, and so he did!"

even though 2014 was a hard one for us (and seems to have been for a lot of our friends), i can't look at these pictures and say it was a bad year. after all, 2014 was the year of the official best christmas ever. the road into 2015 hasn't been any less rocky, yet i see i have so many great pictures and memories waiting in the wings already. it was a happy new year, and today it's happy spring.