maybe kierkegaard knows?

don't get me wrong, i love how inquisitive violet has become, but some days i think the "why?" stage is going drive me into existential crisis. kevin and i do our best to answer all of her questions, but when she's trying to whittle down human behavior to its essence -- why does that neighbor not pick up his doggy's poo poo? -- i sometimes find myself wanting to curl into a ball and cry, "i don't know! life is cruel and people are assholes!"

when a bicyclist blithely pedaled through a red light and i almost killed her:

v: why did you slam the brakes, mama?

me: so i wouldn't hit that girl on the bike. it wasn't her turn to go.

v: why wasn't it her turn?
me: she had the red light. we had the green light.
v: why did she go?

me: she must have forgotten the rules.

v: why did she forget the rules?

me: we all forget things sometimes. do you forget things sometimes?

v: no. (true)

violet is particularly obsessed with why people are rude or mean, and she loves to drum up old injustices. months ago some teenagers at the park were having a water fight and got the bucket swings so muddy that i wouldn't let violet swing. now, out of nowhere, she'll ask me, "why did the big kids get mud on the little kid swings?" the first time, when the incident was in progress, i answered loudly enough for the big kids to hear me, "i guess they were just being rude." (OMFG i'm that mom now. WHY???) violet is especially put out that the siamese cats in lady and the tramp are mean to lady.

last night rudy (our jack russell terrier mix) toyed with a moth as it fluttered to its demise. chasing a ball is beneath him, but catching a moth, and then nipping little bits off its wings as it dies a slow death, is probably his favorite thing in life. "why does rudy like to kill bugs?" violet asks. when i don't like where the course of one of her interrogations is leading, i usually attempt to distract her. it's tempting to just shout "goddamnit!" because that's a guaranteed off-ramp into her very favorite line of questioning: "why do grown-ups sometimes say goddamnit?" i can almost always turn a conversation about frustration into one with donald duck. but then, it's not like she forgets anything. my boss brought her some adorable molded chocolate animals from switzerland in january. last week, i asked violet if she wanted to come to a party at my office, and she replied, "i want to come to the party and i want your boss to give me some more chocolate truffles."

on the subject of chocolate

she woke up the other morning and declared, "if i drink all my hot cocoa it will make my boobs strong and i will grow nursies!" and if you're not awestruck enough that she's a genius who just invented chocolate milk lactation, the other day at peet's she declared, "when i'm a grown-up i want to mix coffee in my cocoa!" yeah, she just invented the mocha, legit. fingers crossed that she lands on an idea i can trademark!

the reason i have these quotes handy is because i've been trying to type my favorites into my phone so i don't forget them. her first declarations of the day are still the best. a recent morning:

v: it never rains in los angeles.
me: well, not too often, but it does sometimes.
v: it never rains hot dogs in los angeles.
me: oh! that's true. it never rains hot dogs here.
v: i don't like hot dogs with jam inside.
me: do you mean ketchup?
v: no. i like to dip hot dogs in ketchup. (false)

speaking of hot dogs, she also loves to work "penis" into any conversation. this is pretty much always funny to me (though i try not to laugh out loud because i'm a good parent like that), but i don't think kevin shares my amusement. luckily not too many "why" questions on that front yet, although she was disappointed at a recent princess party

that her goodie bag had a tutu and tiara while the boys got light sabers. in heavy rotation: "why did only the boys get swords?" while there were many butterfly and heart options available at the art table, here's the photo frame she decorated:

she also sat at the boys table for pizza, and when nana asked what she wanted for her own birthday, she looked up and replied, very matter of fact, "dump trucks." but before i project my tomboy leanings onto her, i should add that she demanded to put on four skirts for our backyard cookout.

her biggest obsession remains max & ruby. she plays with the entire town of characters constantly, and when the show is on, she doesn't blink, literally. i don't know if you can see it, but tears are streaming down her face as she watches.

we're also playing a lot of hide and go seek lately. when she's the seeker, she dictates where you have to hide, but she gets to hide wherever she wants.

typically to avoid potty accidents (sorry for the ball pit = urine transition but i'm running out of time), we hound her about whether or not she needs to go to the bathroom, but lately she's been running in there and just going on her own, which needless to say is freaking great. this weekend she peered into the bowl to observe her poop, a pebbly one, and exclaimed with delight: "it's a family of poo poo! the toilet is their home!"

she is so much fun. smelling roses:

a big trip

after three years of assuring kevin's family that we'd see them soon, we finally got brave enough to make the trip to washington dc. i wish i could be less balloons and lollipops about it for sheer sake of narrative interest, but man, we had a great time. the actual to and fro was awful, and i'll get to that, but it was pure joy watching violet have such a ball with the family she had mostly known through photos.

so here she is with airplane distractor #1: fruit and cheese box. there's never a happier "cheese!" than one with an actual mouthful of cheese.

but let me rewind for a sec to say that we nearly missed our outbound flight. as usual, kevin's wildly delusional idea that we needed to leave the house before 5:30am for our 8:40am flight turned out to be something less than delusional -- like, shall we say, accurate? i think all these years of booking complicated trips for my jet-setting boss (who can arrive at the airport ten minutes before a flight, wiggle her nose, and appear in seat 2b) has warped my perception of what it's like for us plebes. so here we are, in the middle of the swarm, clearly not going to make our flight, and this brash old dude sees kevin sweating and me crying and violet screaming about her new shoe that's fallen off who knows where, and this man rallies the crowd, who may or may not have "hear hear-d" as he grandly swung open the rope and let us cut. and maybe i'm tall-telling it a little, but truly, most of the people in that line were kind, kinder people than me, and it made me want to be kinder too.

the rest of the outbound travel was uneventful. violet had her antsy moments but was mostly well behaved on the flights. we had a stockpile of new toys and books she'd never seen before, along with lots of new max & ruby and mickey mouse clubhouse episodes loaded on the kindle, and of course the tray table was a big hit. (on the topic of toddler travel tips, let me put in a special plug for the wikki stix book. i was most worried about takeoff of the second leg of our way home because it was so late and i knew she'd be tired, and because it's a good half-hour stretch without electronic entertainment options. the wikki stix, which she had never seen before, were perfect.) the biggest hit, however, had to have been the moving walkways during our layover in minneapolis. she ran and ran and ran! or, as she would say, yan and yan and yan!

upon arrival at dulles came the long awaited cute meet with her only girl cousin (of the kid cousins), reese, age 7. i can't overstate the adorbs that was them hanging out all week.

it didn't occur to me until this trip that violet doesn't really spend any time with older kids. while her willingness to play without me or kevin actually there in the room (either as participant or audience) continues to grow exponentially, i was pretty amazed at how she would just disappear with reese for hours. they (illicitly) jumped on the blow-up mattress downstairs while kevin's sister and i had coffee talk. they played wilson the sea monster (/labradoodle) on their ship (/couch) for ages. we didn't make any concerted effort to adjust violet to eastern time, and she was usually ready for bed between 10:30 and 11pm, which meant a happy reese got to stay up late. this was especially awesome on july 4th, when uncle lonn set off a bunch of fireworks on the golf course that is essentially their backyard. violet's "i don't yike fireworks" quickly turned to "i yike fireworks a yittle bit" to "more fireworks, unkuh yonn."

throwing chronology to the wind (because let's face it, if i don't pound out this post, it's never going to happen, and i want it on record for me to get misty over in my empty nest), july 4th was just the kind of summer's day i would dream about while pregnant -- loved ones gathered and time slowed down. uncle dan and aunt elizabeth belong to the army navy country club and generously hosted everyone for a day of swimming pools, carnival games, bounce house, bbq, giant ice cream sammies

and everything else you'd imagine was there. i was watching dozens of sticky-faced kids running wild around the perfectly manicured tennis courts before the staff finally had to call disperse, and i was just thinking YES. THIS. which is silly, i realize, because it's an easy day for anyone to enjoy, whether they have a kid in the throng or not, and i'm sure there were plenty of people happy they weren't in my shoes when i was sprinting across three tennis courts after our lunatic child as she made a break for the furthest exit. i did catch her, but i think i've lost the point i was trying to make. something about how a day like that is the same as it's always been, really, but i do so enjoy watching violet in the throng, finding her place in the world, and in her family.

she was thrilled to be reunited with grandma linden

and it was her first time meeting grandpa chick

her first time meeting cousin declan, age 5

and her first time meeting cousin noah, age 1.

among other firsts was attending her first play, a staged production of dr. seuss's cat and the hat, at a really cool little place called the adventure theater. i was impressed by how many kids stayed captivated for the 45 minutes.

violet was nervous yet excited to meet sally afterwards

but she was too shy to go up to the boy. while it continues to blow my mind that she's essentially blushing and crushing on boys at age 2, i do hope that this particular shyness will carry on into her teen years.

we made it downtown a couple of days, once to the national building museum, the brilliant recommendation of my friend taryn, who i was very excited to catch up with

and who is adorably pregnant here with her third son. taryn even got us special tickets to the "building zone" playroom, which violet enjoyed, as she did a room filled with foam things

a room of miniatures, the cafe, and perhaps most of all, the lobby.

another day we ventured to the natural history museum, where reese and violet's favorite attraction was the glass elevator. i should open my own play place that's just like a giant lobby connected to service elevators filled with tupperware. dinosaur bones? they're pretty cool. but an abandoned warehouse? magic!

also magic? the tot park -- just a regular little park, but filled with abandoned toys. it's tucked between beautiful residential buildings in old town, and perfect for toddlers with its enclosed perimeter. violet was having her grumpiest day, by far, and was crying that she didn't want to go to the park, until she got there, and then she didn't want to leave.

my real objective in taking her to old town was getting ice cream around the corner, and i wasn't going to let a little crankiness deter me. there are actually two parlors directly across the street from one another, and we made sure to patronize both on different days. at pop's, violet selected a flavor called "the cavity" which was vanilla with butterfingers, m&ms and snickers. it ruled. i had been hoping for a third trip to my favorite soft-serve shack in the world, hovermale's, but violet protested, "i want ice keem where we sit inside. i don't want a shack!" how did she get so highfalutin? (side anecdote: we were picking up dessert to bring to a party the other day, and violet looked at the bakery's four flavors of macarons and declared, "they don't have as many colors as bottega louie." the cashier smirked at me. i smirked at myself.) still, violet certainly didn't reject the hovermale's once her cone was in hand, day one or day two!

so i got my wish, and kevin got his: blue crabs at the quarterdeck. favorite pic of the trip:

violet loved cracking the crabs with her mallet

but not as much as she loved declan. ha!

sorting through our vacation photos and recalling all of the incredible hospitality has put me in too good a mood to want to recount much of the drama of our return flights home. there were thunderstorms, and we missed our connection in minneapolis. we thought we'd be stuck there, and that kevin would miss his first day of work, but we ended up rebooked on the last flight out, which was delayed and delayed and delayed again. luckily the minneapolis airport is rad

and wine, you know, exists. we got back to los angeles after midnight, and kevin got up in the morning and wrote jokes. paid jokes! we even found a vacation pic with all three of us in the same frame. all unpaid jokes aside, i'm counting blessings.

odds and ends

i love that this resembles a proper vacation photo with proud poser aside a national landmark, but i love even more that it's just violet trespassing on a neighbor's property. this should be a national landmark though, shouldn't it? have you seen rocky & bullwinkle lawn ornaments anywhere else?

so i'm very excited to post about our first big trip with violet to visit kevin's family back east, but i have a mass of photos to sort through first. in the meantime here are a few keepers from just before the trip.

we spent father's day with our fingers crossed and it paid off because kevin got hired on a new job the next week. yay dada! go werk! needless to say we are all very happy and relieved and proud. last week was his first at the new show, and he has some great stories already. he'll have to fill you in.

i spent the end of last week dealing with a mastitis infection. yes, i'm afraid you read that right: mastitis on the eve of my child's third birthday. before anyone die-hippie-scums me, i should say that i had violet down to two minutes of nursing at bedtime and a few minutes upon wake-up, but now i've needed her assistance while healing, and coupled with me using nursing as a sleep crutch on our trip, this is definitely a setback in terms of the gentle weaning game plan. i've accumulated a wealth of fresh knowledge about mastitis treatment, however, since i'm (still in the middle of) attempting to do it without antibiotics, so consult me if ever you get it. isn't it a shame that all of this hard won knowledge is rendered useless so quickly? it's like i'm desperate for an outlet to share my anecdotal evidence about clearing blocked ducts in the executive bathroom sink! the people must know!

i'm sorry, i really didn't mean for my father's day reminisce and job update to devolve into navel gazing. nipple gazing. god, you know i couldn't let that one go by.

please note the art of this visually associative transition. here's violet swinging from the rings by the pier. she is really strong and brave. she can also do impressive somersaults and keeps trying to imitate the cartwheel i turned on the grass the other day. cartwheel, singular.

i also really enjoy this random shot of darcy tolerating toddler affection.

not every dog can love the toddler for hours on end.

at long last, here's a little sampling of violet's donald duck impression. she does this voice ALL THE TIME, and i see a lot of furrowed brows of passersby wondering about our little demon child. you have to admit, it's a good impression right? edited to add: the video runs long because i wanted you to hear the interlude where she quietly hums the hot dog song.

you got it wrong AGAIN!

it's almost summer in the valley and our kid is two, so

and also

the neighborhood's sprinklers are working hard in the escalating heat, so there's more of this too

early parenthood is best for homebodies, isn't it? i feel bad for the adventurers; it must be that much harder to adjust as the radius of life narrows so sharply, like the best camera lens. i love being at home, so much, and even i get claustrophobic. some lazy afternoons i just want to get out, i don't care where, do we need any milk? but violet wants to jump off the couch into my arms one two fee fo fih six seveh eight nigh ten yeven tehv thirtee sixtee sevehtee eightee nightee hunduh times! and then she wants to arrange her dozens of stuffed toys into her bed for a slumber party and any suggestion i make for an out-of-house activity is met with "shhhh! it's nighttime." a baby is portable, but the world we live in doesn't make it easy. it's easier for a toddler, but then it's the toddler who isn't easy. some days i have to bribe violet to come get gelato with me. isn't gelato supposed to be the bribe? the other day she told my mom, "i'm hungee fo' ice keem." my mom dutifully bought her a scoop of strawberry, and violet took one phony lick and was on to other things. kevin ate that one, but rejected servings usually work out in my favor. i'm sure i'll miss these days.

i got what i wanted for mother's day, which also worked out in violet's favor: the blow-up pool seen above. she splashes around while the dogs run laps and wrestle, and we sit in lawn chairs with white wine in juice glasses. it's very 1950s backyard pastoral, but with more melee than malaise. kevin also took me out for an incredibly delicious early saturday brunch to avoid the swarms at farmshop, who serves my #3 favorite coffee in town (current #2 and #1, who serves verve if you're obsessed like me). this also worked out in violet's favor, since the country mart has rad ride-ons.

there are two horses on this kmart throwback, but she likes to ride the lion. what i love most about this picture is how it captures her seriousness. i feel like i'm always documenting the giggly side of violet, and granted, she is pretty giggly, but she's actually fairly serious a lot of the time. maybe most toddlers are like this? i love it when she gives grave consideration to a newly encountered thing, like the goffin's cockatoo.

she studied it for a long time and then said, as if she was gossiping down the hall from a disgraced coworker whose muteness was recently discovered to be a disability sham, "that bird can TALK but he doesn't want to talk right now." but seriously! she's serious about things, and i do mean as a genuine personality trait. many of the kids in her class are goofy and chatty, and next to them i realize she's quite reserved, but in a way she's not around the teachers and other adults. i was surprised recently when her primary teacher told me that of the twelve kids in her class, she and little russian polina are the ones they're really trying to encourage to "play more with friends. violet almost always prefers to play by herself." whenever kevin and i ask who she played with at school today, violet most often answers "no one" or "max". or polina. her teacher added, "she really likes to play with the teachers."

here she is, living the dream, just her and max:

we also went on a last hurrah trip to disneyland before our pass expires and violet turns three and isn't free anymore. it's been a good run. i'm loving violet's cheese face these days.

we celebrated at wine country trattoria with patio seating during the pixar parade, which she loved.

despite my efforts to instill good eating habits, it's become apparent that my enthusiasm for tasty treats been effectively modeled. i won't even try to pin this one on kevin. at a recent birthday party, she had the whole crowd awwing over how she absolutely lit up at the cake's arrival. the birthday girl's enthusiasm was a 7 to violet's 10.

she also had her first piñata experience at above birthday party, adding fuel to her wild enthusiasm for candy. overheard in the kitchen this morning:

kevin: do you want a waffle or english muffin?
violet (long pause for effect): candy!

upon kevin's arrival home the other night:

violet: daddy, did you bring a speshuh keet for me?
kevin: what kind of special treat, violet?
violet: FRENCH FRIES!

kevin recently brought home elephants cannot dance for violet, who thinks it's pretty much the funniest thing ever when elephant does the wiggle-waggle when he's supposed to be doing the robot walk. she is BIG into the hilarity of mistakes. i spent the 45-minute drive home yesterday mistaking clifford (the big red dog) for brownie (a yellow lab) and vice versa, and oh, clifford, i love your blue fur! i mean your pink fur! i mean your purple fur! the dogs growl at me for every offense. "you got it wrong AGAIN!" violet exclaims. hilarious, right? and i mean, this bit really holds up too. who knew it would be just as funny the hundredth time? i can't wait until she discovers fart jokes. she's already well aware that her "toots mcgoots" are comedy gold. now which parent could have taught her that?

i honestly can't figure out why this kevin photo is stretched out like a funhouse mirror, but it works, right? violet is anti-beard, so kevin thought she might enjoy this look. i told her the story of how, back in our baby-name deliberation days, her name made the cut because it passed both the supreme court justice test and the "not a porn star" test, which dad's facial hair had just failed. "you shave your beard, dada!" violet beamed.

whereas she usually opts for the petting zoo or the bounce house at the farmer's market, last week she wanted a tattoo from a sketchy booth that uses airbrush paint. "how do you get it off?" i asked the woman. "rubbing alcohol or sunscreen," she replied. so it's organic then? there are easily a hundred stencil options, and as you can see, violet enthusiastically chose mater. ($8 and they apparently didn't have brown paint?) she's only seen about two minutes of cars (she wants to turn it off because the green car is mean), but her big crush at school, a 3-year-old boy named yash, naps with a lightning mcqueen toy and wears a mater shirt, so i think there's a transfer of affection going on. i want to send violet to school with a "yash forever" tattoo, like really, really badly.