first field trip

i was so happy to be able to join violet's class for a walking excursion to the butterfly pavilion. there were 12 toddlers, four teachers, five moms, two wagons and a couple of strollers. i wanted so badly to pack capri sun. when i was a kid that's what my mom would pack special for school field trips, and i would be so excited. but i realized that capri sun wouldn't inspire much excitement for violet ("dohn yike juice"). what's the lightweight champ's beverage of choice? "agua!" of course. girl loves water so much that she insisted on riding next to the jug in the wagon.

as i'm sure anyone reading this knows, my sister (auntie courtney) is a first-grade teacher, and she's told me of her secret delight watching volunteer moms try to wrangle the two dozen plus kids that she wrangles solo everyday. i personally will never take this for granted. the toddler world seems especially daunting because of the physicality and hypervigilance needed to prevent all these little cavepeople from beating on each other, and violet is without a doubt one of the biggest challenges, if not the biggest in the dolphin room. by which i mean she's a hair puller, a shover and a biter. thankfully the biting has been pretty limited, and she's taken more than she's dished out, but they still have to shadow her like crazy. "we don't want to restrict her because that wouldn't be fair," her teacher told me earnestly. uh, at home we put her on time out behind the dog gate, i thought. but i appreciate their dedication to protecting her toddler freedoms.

it was a long trek across campus, but the kids obviously loved the novelty of the experience. they got to wander over to splash in fountains and pick flowers from the always impeccable landscaping (privileges that i'm sure aren't extended to actual usc students). upon arrival, violet was the first to march inside like she owned the place. for as clingy as she can still be, she's also incredibly brave.

the dolphin kids made signature t-shirts, bucket hats and visors for the event, and the butterfly pavilion was a perfect choice destination because it's a fairly small enclosed greenhouse-style area. in other words, we didn't lose any kids.

violet has developed a minor fear of bugs, i think due to a few surprises at home, like when a little spider crawled across the bathroom floor as she was getting undressed. she screamed in terror and leaped at me. it was pretty heartbreaking. we play it like "oh it's just a bug." i don't want her to be afraid of them, but by the same token i'm happy she's not bounding out in the yard trying to catch bees in her mouth like our idiot dogs.

inside the pavilion the butterflies are just fluttering around of course, mostly landing on flowers right by the pathway so it's easy for the visitors to observe them. it's actually easiest for children because of the height. violet was a little apprehensive at first, but once she understood that they weren't trying to "get you," she settled in well.

the kids' interest held for close to a half hour before we herded out the exit and cracked open the water jug like it was a kalua pig. it's incredible how long every little thing takes with a group of toddlers, and it makes me wonder if the teachers' patience is innate or cultivated. if it's the latter, i'd like to get in on their trade secrets. i honestly wasn't sure we were ever going to get out of the classroom in the first place since every kid needed shoes and sunscreen, half needed diapers and the potty-training half needed to go to the bathroom, and then you turn around and violet has already ripped off her shoes.

but we did make it! chalk it up to the magic of the outdoors, but no kids had meltdowns and everyone had fun. by the end, of course, all were tuckered, so the walk back was easy, a lot of dazed toddlers asking for lunch.

my feelings about being a "working mom" aren't something i address much here (at least in a direct way) because it's such a complicated conversation that's just so intimidating to write about, but, in a nutshell: i like the sense of security that a paycheck brings; i hate to miss big chunks of violet's days. i have to believe most parents (and people for that matter) feel like this -- like that work-life balance is a dangling carrot. do i "need" to work? that's a question that kevin and i are lucky we're even able to discuss. without a doubt, i feel blessed to have a pleasant 9-5 job that's honest work, with enough flexibility for me to do things like go on violet's field trips with her, and i feel even more blessed that she has such loving caregivers, who are a huge part of her life. sure, there will always be those nagging doubts, like would she have a better shot at the pulitzer if i were to stay at home? but i don't doubt that these women love her, and whoever she ends up being, their fingerprints will be all over it. and i mean, she may be a thug, but she's a happy thug.